What is the difference between an expectation and a goal?

Expectations are a standard or level of performance that a person actively works toward; expectations are usually placed on us. A goal is a specific, measurable outcome or achievement that a person or organization actively works toward; we can set our own goals and determine how to measure them.

Can unrealistic expectations hurt recovery?

Unrealistic and unattainable expectations can be self-defeating. You may have the best of intentions yet they can lead you to a relapse. Remember you may be in recovery but you are still human. The difference is how you handle the tough sticky situations.

Managing Self Expectations

Jamie Palmer
Sep 27
2 min read

Updated: Sep 28

In recovery, what expectations have you set for yourself?

What is your self talk?

Is it perfectionism? “If I make mistakes people will know that I am not worthy of their love or attention”.

What about happiness? “If I don’t feel happy or optimistic am I doing something wrong”.

Do you find it difficult to adapt to and learn new things? “Struggling means I am not smart or capable”.

In making the decision to become sober and be in recovery, it is easy to believe that “POOF” I am cured, I am well, everyone, including myself, is going to like me and everything will be wonderful. The reality is that we did not get to the place of wanting and needing sobriety overnight and recovery will not occur all at once. We must be patient with ourselves and others.

It is important to understand the difference between an expectation and a goal:

Person on a winding sunrise path with small milestones, symbolizing managing self‑expectations in sobriety

Expectations are a standard or level of performance that a person actively works toward; expectations are usually placed on us.
A goal is a specific, measurable outcome or achievement that a person or organization actively works toward; we can set our own goals and determine how to measure them.

Unrealistic and unattainable expectations can be self-defeating. You may have the best of intentions yet they can lead you to a relapse. Are you trying to be perfect? Remember you may be in recovery but you are still human. The difference is how you handle the tough sticky situations. Are you willing to replace expectations with goals? Do you have goals? Goals are something YOU determine that YOU want to achieve. You alone work on your goals. They are your accomplishment, not the expectation of someone else.

If you want help setting goals, learning to live your best life in recovery (and I promise it can be the best!) I can help. To be successful, your sobriety is your most important job. Work toward maintaining a healthy life of sobriety and the rest will come. I know, I am living this journey too.

Lets talk about YOUR recovery and who and what YOU want to be.

Connect with me for a complimentary initial consultation, explore articles and resources on my website, and join my professional network for ongoing support and fresh insights on managing self expectations among other things.